I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
