I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
