Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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