what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
