I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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