He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
