I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
