so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize