i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
