I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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