The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize