Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
