I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
