do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
