I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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