addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
