He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I FOUND THE LEGS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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