are you still at the devil's house?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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