I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
