No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
