Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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