I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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