I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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