i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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