So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
