Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
