Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
being pregnant is like rehab
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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