when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
