My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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