I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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