morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
