I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are all done wearing pants today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize