No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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