let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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