you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
