His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drake has all the answers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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