obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
