I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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