if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
