i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize