After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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