Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
