she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
