i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
