i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
