Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
