He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
