that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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