He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
