what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
God, I missed his penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize