The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
