dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i drank out of a bidet.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
