I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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