I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
