It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
