you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
