a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
