dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
