Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
