Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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