just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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