dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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