My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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