Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
