it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My dick has a subreddit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
