dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
