cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
