I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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