You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
