I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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