what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
