I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
