Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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