I cockslap morals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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